Sunday, April 05, 2009

Not meaning to post two "life stuff" posts back to back (not that anyone really reads this religiously =P), but I've noticed a horrid trend in my sleeping lately. I mean, I've had insomnia before, but it seems that lately I've fallen into this habit of getting to a "point of no return" -- around 3AM usually, and then I'm up till 5 or later. Various things set this off, has posed a rather large distraction lately as well as reupping at Facebook, redecorating urges at like 2:30 AM don't help either, nor does watching "just one more!" episode of anime (or nick at nite or something on Hulu if I don't feel like paying attention and just want background noise). My life is so goddamned off the rails lately *impending geek reference* that it might as well be Galaxy Express 999.

Personally, I think I'm just looking for something to fill the holes, which explains my sudden striving for validation over at Danny's site and my rampant anti-social behavior. I think possibly the worst thing I've ever done is take time off of school, because it's led to a dead end of sorts. Socially. Educationally. And by consequently, by sheer domino effect career-wise and will-to-live-wise as well. Subconsciously, I think my mind wants me to stay awake during the hours when I can't really do anything about this stuff so I can be placated and not have to deal with any of it. Take, for example, choosing a major/career path. I have been tossing this decision around for years now, and I simply cannot come to a decision. I weigh the pros and cons and feel like I'm making a mistake no matter what I invest myself in. So I lose myself in mundane activities and collecting and arbitrary stuff. I need to start tackling the important aspects before I start losing my grip here. I should also probably attempt to make social contact at some point, too, all of this anti-socializing cabin fever is getting to me gradually. And all of it has to start with sleep I think. =P

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